You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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