I didn't shave. On purpose
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nutella sex= disaster
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
