I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
