Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
