im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
