I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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