bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
