If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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