Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
