Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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