ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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