Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
