no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
