We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
