He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
