hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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