dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
