Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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