This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
