I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
