This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
