I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
