I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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