I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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