I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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