Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
