Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
