I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
