I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
