My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
