Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
