I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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