I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
