can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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