Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
