I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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