ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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