No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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