his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
