I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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