Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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