So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
