why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
