yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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