He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
