Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
