So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
