awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
