i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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