how can u be prego again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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