Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
