i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
