the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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