I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
