he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
