guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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