I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
