I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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