My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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