when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
