ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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