I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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