I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
