9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
