Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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