I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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